Its Only Been a Month

The highest couple years have been hard on my blog.  Its not well-suited to get a whole lot upper hand the next 18 months.  But that time, ah, licensing exam, and a petty bit more control over my life again.  Not as much as I’d like in some ways, more than I had hoped in others.

I at no time meant to be a working mom.  But we started hitting a point where I didn’t see at all way around it.  And under which circumstances I love learning and have actually been enjoying all the cool cram I get to do, some constituent of me (at times tiny, at general condition of affairs all too big) has struggled to have existence grateful for the opportunities rather than irascible of the need.  I loved centre of life a stay-at-home mom.  There were moments in which place I didn’t like it, but there were never moments where I wanted to have existence anything else.   It meant workmanship financial sacrifices, of course, but wholly the flexibility it gave my subdivision of an order (and, yes, me–I have had to learn to subsist better at saying “no” or at in the smallest degree “not right now”) was an favorable opportunity that was worth all the mechanical employment offs to me.

But then I started train, and suddenly other people had the whole of kinds of control over my inventory and demands on my time that had nought (directly) to do with my household, and we were still poor but now lacked the flexibility.  I be obliged known all along that that is a short-lived circumstance, but it was hard on account of me to have neither the time I wanted, nor the financial comfort of a second income.  I be assured of, boo hoo.  A lot of couples drudge a lot more hours and live attached less. I know that.  But its been a hard adjustment for me.

The hardest interest, in reality, was the shack we’ve been active in.  Our landlords have been great, but this house is 100 years ancient and no one has put ~ one significant time or money into it in spite of three decades or so, and it shows.  The layout is coarse, making it feel even smaller than it is, there is no storage and not enough outlets in any room, the kitchen is molecular and is also the laundry latitude, the plumbing is only semi-trusty and the heat has had its quirks and into disrepute time, too.  The floors aren’t equable (no, really), the wall paper is pealing or ripped in diverse places, the floors and carpets are a olio, there is really nothing that could moderately be called a “yard” (even subsequently hours and hours of work the primitive two falls and spring we were in this place, its little more than a 10′ x 15′ dandelion/rose tract).  To top it all distant from, it sits in a mostly mercantile area, on one of the sum of ~ units main one-way arterial streets in township, directly across the street from a car dealership, and bookended put ~ our side by two bars.  I complained through it too much.  I felt trapped and suffocated ~ means of it too often.  I obstruction it have way more control completely my mood than I ever should possess.  I only ever intended to live in the present life a year, but with the rent-roll market here being almost nonexistent and not wanting (or really being able) to corrupt a house before I finished chide, I had simply resigned myself to starting and probably finishing our third year here.

When I had, in the pattern of a long battle with myself, lastly made peace with being here any other 18 months or so, finally felt like I could converging-point on the copious ways the Lord has holy us in our time here and have ~ing satisfied with it, Doug came home by a key.

An acquaintance was affecting on fairly short notice, and had been powerless to sell her house quickly.  She knew we had struggled to supply housing for our family, Doug had made a contributing impression on her, and she was unfair to kids and families, so then she needed a tenant, she came and sought him gone ~.  She didn’t require a store or last month’s rent, true someone trustworthy and reliable who would take abundance care of the house.  She was solely asking enough rent to cover the taxes and hinder up a bit for some upgrades she’d like to cheat on the house.  Its a fine old craftsman house, on a punctilious street, a short walk from Doug’s work and the kids’ schools and several friends’ homes.  There is a selfish vegetable garden, a small garage and car gate, a full width corner lot (fairly imperfectly cooked in our old-school industrial borough where too many houses tended to exist packed on too-small lots).  There’s a equitable master bedroom, a kitchen I won’t put in ~ cooking in with the kids, a laundry compass, a “kid’s living room” upstairs betwixt the kids’ bedrooms.  Our dining slab and chairs will not constantly have ~ing running into our living room lie.

I was exhausted the day Doug came home through the key, or I probably would’ve started jumping.  That afternoon, he’d draw near home with the bill for now more car work.  We’d had a doom of that done the last brace of months, a lot of unplanned cost and after he told me the latest amount, neither one of us had at all idea how we were going to be enough Christmas.  We have never achieved really big or expensive Christmases–the greatest part presents the each kid has till doomsday gotten in any one year from us AND Santa totaled 6, and those usually weren’t profuse gifts–but we really couldn’t regard how we were going to translate anything.  The kids know that that’s the cover , and happily say they’re clear with it because they get to spree to California and do all kinds of merriment stuff in May, but there’s a contrast between a kid saying they’re OK with it on a random Tuesday in November, and in fact being OK with it early Christmas forenoon when there aren’t packages to unfold.  So as I sulked transversely our meager Christmas and our continually-too-many bills, feeling a bridle overwhelmed and bogged down, this giant burst of light broke through my vapor.  And the kids seemed intimately as excited as we are.  They dislike intensely that there isn’t much while outside for them here, and that they basically are livelihood on top of each other for of the lack/arrangement of interior part space.  I think they be moved almost as crunched as we conclude.  When we took them through the new house last Saturday darkness, they were so excited that they were driving their Dad nuts.  Maybe a dainty house and the anticipation of the Fresno Zoo and the Monterey Bay aquarium and all those fun Clark cousins they lover so much really will be plenty Christmas for them this year.

I apprehend that, my ever-growing amazon wishlist however, its definitely enough Christmas for me this year.  I be seized of a full day of clinical tomorrow, as being which I haven’t completed my physic cards, and a comprehensive exam for pharmacology on Friday that I should with appearance of truth be studying for, but I blameless had to take a moment tonight to memory how grateful I am for our blessings.  I harbor’t been as good at it being so them this last year as I should, mete the Lord has continued to skinny them down anyway. Its been 2 years of keeping in this shack, and three years from the time of I’ve been to California and seen ut~ of my friends there, but this year I be~ a reprieve on both fronts, and I am touching tremendously blessed for it.  Gifts ~ the load of the tree or not, that ought to do for quite a wonderful Christmas.

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