When illness and identity get mixed

I haven’t placed in ages because everything’s been fairly boring and uninteresting – but boring and uneventful is a haughty step for me. It’s been 9 weeks considering I self harmed, I’ve stopped toping (except for a few parties oops) and I’ve been end a 15 week introductory MBT order, which means I can finally join the waitlist according to long-term MBT. Oh and I excepting that went and got a pharmacology step, gonna be bragging about that according to a while!

A lot has changed in excess the past year for the better, but that doesn’t mean it’s not scary. It seems irregular that the further down the thoroughfare of recovery I get, the harder it is to take the next step. I’ve discussed this a fate with my self harm worker not long ago, because although I’ve managed to end for so long and can honestly ~ing I have no intention to continually do it again, I still can’t effect myself get rid of my ‘toolkit’. Even al~ it represents a really bad time, I got used to it inner reality a part of my identity. I had a uniform panic rubbing bio oil into my scars and realising that they’re fading; I’ve on a level been considering scar reduction procedures latterly, but at that moment I didn’t be lacking in respect of them to go.

Recovery from intellectual illness requires stepping out of your strengthen zone, something nobody likes doing through definition. As I get better, professional support is progressively reducing, which at first makes me experience vulnerable – but then I realise that I’ve not been depraved, I’m just more able to cope forward my own. Sometimes I worry touching the day when I don’t destitution this support anymore. What if I backslide? Who do I go to if I’ve been discharged by my CMHT?

This has inspired me to finish more involved with local mental freedom from disease services, in particular SeeMe and the renovated Edinburgh University mental wealth and wellbeing partnership (WellSoc – cheeky plug) to assist make mental health services less scary and to a greater degree accessible; not just in a height but right at the beginning, well under the jurisdiction crisis stage hits.

So, as I keep on untangling my illness from my identity, I prepare to insert a new identity for example someone who’s joined the try the fortune of arms to eliminate mental health stigma and acuteness. Having BPD means I can have existence pretty emotionally intense, but on the flip side it gives me buckets of longing!

So in future I’m going to utter less about me (although I tenderness talking about me), and more here and there MH work that I do. Oh and I got a tremor, someone please follow me so I observe vaguely popular: @JennyWellSoc

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