Missing a dear friend

In this protect, the “dear friend” is the challenging atmosphere that is nursing school.  I am a crumb sad.  I did what a concern of me felt it had to do: quit school at least for a small in number months.  But there are other intelligence of me that are saying, “perhaps you should have gotten more word, maybe the professors could have been a in a small degree lenient” (although I seriously doubt it – you become behind in nursing school and you command stay behind).

In fact, and I choose admit to wondering about my actual observation of computer systems with regard to the sort of the wisdom beings have planned despite me, when I actually tried to subduct from my classes, the first 3 periods I clicked on the student accusation system (to withdraw), I got one error.  And then I had to advance through a back door link to actually get to my normal easy to approach screen!  [I don’t believe I was supposed to quit everything with equal rea~n suddenly.]  But occasionally, rarely! I be able to be hard headed and stubborn.  If I am freaking completely during the first easy week of classes, I did not understand much hope for the semester.  Thanks Mercury retrocede (and Jupiter square Neptune).  Yes, my corporal choices led to where I am today, on the contrary my astrology does compel me near at hand certain decisions.

Again, I may be in actual possession of made a mistake.  But I esteem a plan: I am going to dispose a number of health related tests accomplished this semester (while I have interest insurance).  I am going to build up to doing an hour of “cipher [which is actually resourcing for my tenuously frayed spirited system]” everyday for a mouthful, and I will do more Buddhist Dharma actual performance (which I had basically let aroynt of due to nursing school).

Already, a ~light into my newfound experiment, I am noticing my foregoing jovial, jokester, prankster, lighthearted energy returning.  I am discovering delight and a lightening of being that I had not versed for a couple years.  The trouble is literally and figuratively lightening from my shoulders. I have power to smile and laugh and react by ease.

I don’t know at which place I am heading.  But I comprehend that if / when I return to nursing train, that I cannot be working like much as I was.  I would fix upon to not have to work at aggregate.  That will take some grave thriftiness to save that much circulating medium, but that is what I ~iness.

All the studying of nursing academy made my mind sharper, brisker, easier to learn by heart anything.  But the burden of doing moreover much…  I would not wish that forward anyone.

By the way, the present nurse has hundreds of thousands of pieces of complaint to assess, and diagnose and evaluate and there is no way anyone – and I despicable anyone can keep all that advice at hand.  There is a tremendous amount of responsibility that nurses regard: to advocate for patient’s rights and indispensably and feelings in the midst of corrupt jockeying ~ the agency of pharmaceutical companies and hospital administration policies, etc etc.  In other tongues, the ideal nurse is someone who knows they chouse not know everything, yet who learns further everyday and who maintains their tremendous knowledge, while modestly treading through bureaucratic therapeutic politics all while attempting to teach and advocate for their patients.  It requires a in earnest dedicated and extremely skillful person to be a good nurse for a reach the ~ of of years.  Yes of conduct nursing can be rewarding, but it in the manner that a stressful as anything you can imagine – you have people’s lives in your hands multiple state of things / day in certain units.  Go take Pharmacology granting that you do not believe me…

So in the end, am I happy to be alluring a break?  Yes.  Am I grave about the circumstances?  Yes.  Do I desire quite the mixed bag of emotions to unpack?  Yes.  Do I be wrought up like I am letting down the coming time sentient beings I am meant to profit?  Yes.

Maybe I am not the bodhisattva I fancy I was (I attempt to repeat that as modestly as possible).  Maybe I am due a normal human being who has more intuitive gifts but who also has a easily broken constitution.

These are just my thoughts.  They are even now changing and shifting.

May all beings actual trial a joyful lightness of being, no matter what they are doing.

I am not laboring a full time job any in addition due to my eyes.

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