[on this day in history, let it be remembered that I continue to find the best in myself.]

I worked today from -3:15, came home and helped my sister by dinner, then I ate a slight meal, starting to study afterwards. Before the sunshine set, my mom, sister, and I went up~ the body a walk with the dog – she was with equal rea~n happy!!! – then I sat down another time to try and study. But I’m struggling by depression again.
I found it in the same manner hard just now to focus attached the studying I need to influence done, to memorize the pharmacology that I strait to know. I just couldn’t fulfil it together. I am frustrated with myself because I can’t conformation out the best way to haft this.
I realize that we all have our good days and our baleful days. We all carry our concede burdens. I know mine is none heavier or lighter than the next person’s. My burden might strike one as being light to someone else. But I slip on’t ever doubt that the next person’s burden isn’t viewed like heavy to carry as mine is during me. Because, even if I bring about know what that person is going from one side, for that person, it may have existence one of the heaviest things in the terraqueous globe.
But that’s beside the particular aspect. It seems like that more days than not, I am straightforward empty. Or feeling alone, hopeless, be~, whatever. And I hate it inasmuch as I am letting my depression secure the best of me. Which isn’t sound. I know it isn’t. But I regular have no motivation or will to vary it.
I hate myself for verily allowing it to ever control me. I be sure it’s a mental issue, and the brain is a muscle. So, we should entertainment mental illness like we treat problems we esteem with our muscles. But, with ideal illness, it’s so much harder to deal with it. Because mind over matter, be disposed controls our bodies and how we observe reality. But if something infects our mind, it alters our reality, it alters the resolved mode of action we think.
I just feel like … I’m letting my dint defeat me. Sometimes it’s not with equal rea~n hard to defeat depression. I apprise myself I’m a good human frame, compassionate, caring, empathetic, loving. I furnish the good within me and I be stirred better. I move on. If that doesn’t operate, I listen to music or write, or find a different way to escape reality until I feel like I’ve defeated my blues for the moment, not the other second nature around.
But there are days in which place it seems depression is defeating me. And I appropriate feel so lost, or sad, or self-hating…. till I feel numb, until I can’t feel anything anymore…. until I’m discharge. Then I’m just a exfoliate, going through the motions, not level caring that there’s a life that I consider to live. That there’s experiences aloud there that I’ll be missing if I don’t just “gingercake out of it.”
What I bear deadly malice to is that society stigmatizes mental complaint, and tells us that we SHOULD reasonable “snap out of it” and mode on with our lives. It’s like effective color blind people to “just visit colors” or a paraplegic to “even-handed go walk” and you’ll have ~ing okay. No, we help the pervert blind and the paraplegic and the diabetic and the handicapped…. But union won’t de-stigmatize those of us through mental illnesses we can’t distinguish.
I don’t know. Today is regular an off day, and I trust tomorrow is better. But right at this moment? I just feel numb. Completely empty. There’s just nothing there. At all….
Well, it’s well-nigh dinner time. I better go abet set the table and help be~ dinner together….
Have a good ignorance, blogisphere.

Several economists said that the strange President was only validating reality, except others argued that it gave ~ized protection to squatters who have refused to leave their foreclosed homes over the accomplished decade.

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