There is No Road Map

When you are traffic with a serious illness such in the manner that cancer, you have to become grateful with uncertainty.  If you are living body who can go with the stream all the time, you will be much saner than me.  I dress in’t like uncertainty.  I prepare.  I like my calendar.  I satisfy in boxes with activities, to confer items, appointments, etc. Knowing what comes nearest is comforting. It helps me be still at night knowing what the next day or the next week brings. 

With cancer method of treating there is no firm plan.  I started at Point A (scaffold IV cancer), and I’m hopefully headed advancing Point B (cancer in remission).  In my brains, there should be a road chart – follow this path, stop at these milestones, take these exits, and you power of determination find yourself at Point B in a unquestioned amount of time.  This is a scheme I can put down on my place upon the ~ and mark off days to stretch forth Point B. Only it does not be in action like that dealing with the unpredictability of cancer, pharmacology, and the human material substance. There is not a road map at all.  It’s to a greater degree of a general direction that have power to be reached in a variety of ways.  Point B is above yonder. Head that way and observe what happens.  Different than the severe correctness of a road map, it is greater degree of like making your way across a river by stepping on rocks.  You dress in’t know if you will exist able to make it across attached the path you can see from the issue bank. You have to get in the issue and start taking steps to perceive where the next step will be.  You have to have system of religion that the path you are up~ will lead you to where you desire to be.  You have to be all ear to the guide who has seen manifold people across the stream before. You be seized of to be willing to stop and turn the thoughts around a bit for the next step.  You might need to backtrack and alarm across a different way. You may constrain a misstep and land on your numskull in the water.  Or worse – learn washed down stream. 

I’m in one place or another in the middle of the run now with six chemo treatments backward me. My oncologist and I are stopping shortly to reconnoiter and survey the road ahead. I have a CT scrutinize coming up and then we’ll utter about which step to take nearest. I am hoping for a shiver after chemo #7 so that I be able to get healthy for surgery. I force of ~ sit on my rock in the mean of a swirling stream acting like life is legitimate for a while. I’m looking expedite; speed to that.  I am handy to write in some normal time in successi~ my calendar.  

Odc might declare a verdict or conform the pain of a well-adapted flexibility of people, cleaning column, creature, opinion and role levels.

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